iAnger

I had an anger run today. It only took one look at my depleting thighs to set me off on my second fastest run yet, fastest run in daylight. Losing my muscle is becoming very depressing. Season is eating me.

At gym, I saw my old pal, Nathan, aimlessly ambling, as he does. (Anyone who knows Nathan, or me, should also know that I was kidding about "old pal." But he is cool. Two person!!!) And I asked him what he was thinking about. His response, I think, was usually "math" or "nothing". And because "nothing" is the worst and lamest answer one could ever give, it became the subject of our next couple conversations.

An interview that I mostly paraphrased: 

Question: You are walking. Leisure is the game of the day. Running is not an option. You are enjoying the weather or something. You have no friends (with you). What are you thinking about?

Nathan: That one problem. Math. Nothing.

Michelle: Oh, I wonder what this person's life is like. or something.

Eliza: Nothing. I kind of just idle.

Le moi: So that's how they think. Is this how he sees his life? Is she stupid? How did she grow up? How come he doesn't share anything. That face is nice. He's working out!!! Yes!!! Everything in my life is falling apart.. Everything in my life is okay! I'm creating my own death and what's the word.... demise. surmise. ugh, I suck at English. I wonder when this will stop. Is my church attendance killing me? I want to play badminton. Coach will be so disappointed. I miss MBC... math team! We're screwed. Should I sleep?

What I thought about recently (updated, since September post, "Stuffing"):

Anger and disappointment: in my sister and dad. Really pissed.

Personality: If I turn out like my dad, I will be depressed.

Being fat

Being called fat. (and thus, anger)

Being called worthless (and thus, anger)

Feeling worthless (I'm not actually... no. just in some places, but nowhere important. its mostly fat. sorry.)

And thus, anger

90.7 in physics!!!! Le gasp gasp gasp!!!

Art (and thus, anger)

People

Food: a stupid pothole of stupid

Getting worse at writing (a stupid pothole of stupid? I'm out of it. big time.)

Missing church: sad. and thus, anger.

Not sleeping

Sleeping

College

Math