Acceptance

Do you know where I want to be accepted? Some certain very good college programs.

People always accept me before I accept them.

Church: This took a very long time. Some blame lies in my inconsistent attendance (which at maximum, would still be 4/118 hours per week), but much of it lies in social differences. Regardless what kind of mindset my parents have carved into me, I have found select few people with whom I really wanted to become friends, all of which have never really happened. We always made lame jokes and worshiped together, but that was it. And my parents have no friends. They don't really want friends either; in fact, they go out of their way not to make friends. So relationships were a sort of new thing.

Oasis: Actually, Oasis is 50% composed of my church's members, but it was different in a couple ways. It started in high school, where I now have a slightly elevated social life (compared to ... before high school) and  some previously nonexistent confidence. I wear real clothes now and I don't smell. It helps when boys pretend to love you too... and it helps to mature in Christ. But yes, they admitted me into their team before I willed myself to look past my own arrogance. They welcomed me before I was ready to open my own heart, but eventually, they made me love them.

Christ: It's Good Friday. He accepted me when He died, and I accepted him on December 25, 2008 (at least, that's what I like to think) and played ding-dong ditch a couple hundred times.
*edit. Woops. Now its Saturday-almost-Easter. Still applicable though.

Myself: This section was inevitable, sorry. I can do better. Curse sloth.

Drawing 2: I dislike working with people very much. My pace is almost always inconsistent, and being forced to backtrack or look ahead is too much for my singular quested brain. It's not a selfish request. Trust me, unless you want to here my voice crack in frustration. So when a certain girl interrupted my project for a casual chat, I was anxiously sweating bullets of my silence that hadn't been broken for two semesters. But she invited me to her table (I used to sit alone, but I didn't mind because on the off chance I did get bored, I could eavesdrop others' conversations), and I went. And I made friends... that I still have now. But they started it.

Math team: This was a long process. Nobody liked me. I try too hard and reap few results. I wanted this more than anyone else and didn't even make the team... or NSML meets 4 or 5 (freshman year). It was ugly. But I tried harder and didn't tell anyone, because ICTM isn't really like, say, AIME or USAMO. Who cares? Why would I naively waste time on such a trivial pursuit? Oh... I don't know. So I can have confidence? So I can be not at the bottom among my academic peers? So people don't see a b-sian who can't seem to find fitting pants... ever? So maybe my USAMO qualified math teacher doesn't see me as a hopeless try hard. I bet he knows those.
So yeah I made math team this year. No one can tell that I got 9/25 on NSML 2 in 2010. Now they can only see 114/125 for all conference, although before I start getting cocky, I need to work on 2-person... So thanks, coaches, for putting me on NSML 5, 2 person, and writtens. Thanks for forgetting I wasn't your first generation.

School badminton: I know I try too hard. I know I make it too obvious... but I don't really try to make myself bleed. Honestly. So I understand why people would snivel at me, but still, its depressing. The people who accepted me here though, are the best (competing with Oasis), although somewhat sexual. I took my time accepting them because I'm not here for friends. I'm here to win............5th singles. Augh.

MBC Elite Team: You guys win. What do I even say.

Stupid people: No offense. If you're reading this, you're not one of them. Probably. Probably. Okay, so these people haven't accepted me, mostly because I'm not really friends with these people. But they don't reject me; they just don't care. I thought I'd mention them because I used to reject them all the time, thinking that I was better than them. Then I realized how stupid I was.

Teachers: I've found that a lot of my teachers have been extremely accommodating to bizarre ranges of students. I am extremely impressed. and grateful.

Family: No friends, remember? I was always somewhat ashamed of some of ...the generations... of family members of mine who reject sociability together. Seriously, what is life without relationships? What did school and church teach us about mankind's bond of love? Anyway. The lack of sociability has led to some gauche manners and gross habits, but at least they are competent and providing. And my mom is wonderful and mostly very understanding and accepting of me... I don't understand how that happened. Its just. The dad-side.

SO IF YOU'RE STILL READING. I cry when I think of all of you... legit. When I thank God for everything we share and need that He always provides, people look at me, because I'm sniffing uncontrollably.