Ugly Duckling

The most beautiful flower will die when it's surrounded by ugly weeds.
This week has been full of cocktail parties. Do you ever feel like jumping off a bridge? And I will probably be referencing this quote quite often now, so expect it, and assume only that I am uncomfortable at cocktail parties, nothing more.

Fatigue is taxing. I can pretend to be so enthusiastic about math that I always survive BC and math team, although only at a 92.0% success rate. I have cut it very close in Chemistry, even though I respect the science and teacher to no end. My eyes have shut for abnormally long periods of time when my physics teacher stares directly at me; my face has made intimate contact with my APUSH desk for hours. I am tired.

I have become ugly. The circles under my eyes have become semi permanent, which apparently, is unattractive, at least more so than when they are not present, according to a respected male in the surrounding community. Flat hair and hair loss are the norm. All of my skin is cracked, and sooner or later, my nose will be too cold. Apparently. These are all metaphors for the state of my heart. Read carefully.

Comparison is dangerous, but boys like danger (I just saw it on Tumblr, excuse my fallacy filled rage). Shouldn't there be a time when comparison is no longer valid, when one person owns something permanently, and the lack of that something is insignificant? Shouldn't there be a time when people stop telling me what and when and why to eat, as if I haven't thought about it all day out of absolute paranoia and undeserving spite? There should be a time when I don't even have to think about it anymore, and I can be at peace, preferably before Arrival or GraceCon.

Not caring is also dangerous, but I am just stupid and should never not care again. Everything has a purpose, and I've totally missed it for too long, and now its too late. I am completely ugly and too soft and too weak to lift my eyes up. I'm worn...ha (tenth avenue north?), and I hope that if anything, I can help other people not be so ugly and soft and weak.