Tomato Face

Her face was red hot. Not body hot, just temperature hot. Hot like he was holding candles to her cheeks.

What an embarrassment she was. How embarrassing she was to herself, to the boy, to her friends. All she could do was stutter and blush. Hot hot hot hot hot. Sometimes it was worse than hot - it was hot lukewarm. When everyone could notice but it would never fade away from her cheeks.

It is because I eat too much, she thought to herself. Calories = heat. When I am full of fat, I blush. When I am fat, I blush. Fat fat fat. Blush blush blush.

So she began not eating. So she began to be not fat.

In time, her face became pale. Yellow, beautiful pale. A pale so smooth and light that she said to herself, yes, finally you are pretty. What a smooth complexion you have. Everyone will like you now.

But when the time came, and the boy stood in front of her, she still blushed. Red hot. Temperature hot. Hot like he was holding candles to her cheeks.

So she ate less. So she was not fat even more.

In time, she lost her hair. It came out in tufts when she combed it with her fingers. She lost her period. Her chest was flat. She used the bathroom too often. But that was okay, because she could weigh herself in the bathroom. 103 pounds. When it was more, she cursed herself and threw away her lunch. When it was less, she praised God and threw away her lunch. Because she could be not fat even more.

But when the time came, and the boy stood in front of her, she still blushed. Red hot. Temperature hot. Hot like he was holding candles to her cheeks. And one day the boy did not stand in front of her anymore.

But I am not fat, she cried. Look at me! No one is not fat like me.

She was 94 pounds when they took her to the hospital. Her BMI was 16.5. It was her best record so far.

The doctor was fat. The doctor asked, how many calories do you eat a day?

About 1000, she said. But I am always full.

Well, you can be full on cake or full on watermelon, the doctor retorted. 1000 is way too little. Peanut butter. That is the solution. Spread peanut butter over all of your bread. Do not buy the reduced fat kind.

Well, you are fat, she thought. She did not eat peanut butter. But already her hair was a quarter gone. Her chest was still flat. She used the bathroom too much.

So her mom took away the scale. And she ate more than 1000 calories a day. She was afraid because she was becoming fat, but she wanted her hair back. She wanted her womanhood back in sight. She wanted to use the bathroom regularly.

Many days, she hated herself. She thought, you are fat. You are fat and you are still red. But many days, she prayed to God. She prayed, help me, God. Restore my body. Only you will restore my body. She read the Bible feverishly. One hour a night. That was how long she used to spend tracking calories, reading articles about how to lose weight. How to be not fat.

God restored her one day. Her hair was strong. Her period came back. She used the bathroom like everyone else. 110 pounds. 1500 calories. Soon she turned 13 years old.