Wednesday, August 24, 2011

For the Records. . .

Today was a day that I didn't care about getting the highest GPA possible.
Cue... now.
GASPGASPGASPGASPGASP.

Upon reflecting the worthlessness of AP Biology (Molecular Bio sucks CHONPS), the waste of AP Environmental, and the redundancy of AP Psych (I love Professor Bloom), I think I'm going to take the initiative to kick Collegeboard in the potato sacks and not take the courses. Also I don't do the whole espan-squiggle-ol thing and I hate history with a FIERE passion (so no AP Spanishs or AP Euro).

And I decided after thoroughly enjoying AP Studio that taking useful courses like this one would be more effective to the development of my adolescent mind. Not really but I'm done pleasing the 'rents with a bulk of proud Chinese glorified college tests.

And I came up with a new name for College Board: Papa AP. Because Papa is two backward AP's... LOL sigh I'm not that funny. ACTs can be rearranged to tacs, which sounds like tax.

Better yet, Lady Gaga giggles when you poke her face.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Just for keepsakes

Long serve: wrist cocked at side towards birdie, swing follows through to face server, NO SLICING

Short serve: wrist only, start high, racket head down, only push towards net. possible raise of calves to push downwards

Smash: elbow back, contact point far, wrist snaps forward, down, and straight, follow through.

Push: wrist cocked straight up, push is straight. racket sides move on parallel plane towards net at same time.

Switching feet: jump to left foot, poopers. in order to shift weight, DO NOT FALL BACKWARDS; instead stop at right, jump to left. left foot should kick backwards

Kill: all momentum thrust. be faster. DO NOT TURN SHOULDERS. THIS DESTROYS ALL POWER. step forward, towards birdie, not net

Drops: momentum conserved. step into it. step and reach at same time. stepping first is too slow; birdie drops too quickly

Lift: wrist cocked, wrist only, swing follows through to face server, NO SLICING. racket stays in front as always, poops.

EVERYTHING FOLLOW THROUGH. WITHOUT DIS YOU DIE (less powerful). Also if racket is stopped midswing, birdie bounces (reverberates) and poops on through air.

I have never been so happy to be so terrible at my game. Butts and doodles.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Story of the Bird

I was eating at Double's Court for dinner today and I ordered a chicken filet for 3 dollars and 21 cents. To my surprise, the waiter dropped a white bird on my plate, feathers still attached. I pushed the bird away and demanded for the food to be redone, but the waiter was very firm that the food had cleared FDA regulations - with high marks. Not wanting to make a racket in public, I let the waiter package the bird for take-away. Unhappy, starving, and hurried, I drove the bird home. I decided to cook it myself, although this would be a long shot since I only make sandwiches.In the kitchen, I plucked the dumb thing, smashed it with some spices, and threw it in the oven. 10 minutes later, I knew the dish would be a success as I lifted it out of the oven. The bird was served for dinner that night.

In case you didn't catch my wicked humor:

I was eating at Double's Court for dinner today and I ordered a chicken filet for 3 dollars and 21 cents. To my surprise, the waiter dropped a white bird on my plate, feathers still attached. I pushed the bird away and demanded for the food to be redone, but the waiter was very firm that the food had cleared FDA regulations - with high marks. Not wanting to make a racket in public, I let the waiter package the bird for take-away. Unhappy, starving, and hurried, I drove the bird home. I decided to cook it myself, although this would be a long shot since I only make sandwiches. In the kitchen, I plucked the dumb thing, smashed it with some spices, and threw it in the oven. 10 minutes later, I knew the dish would be a success as I lifted it out of the oven. The bird was served for dinner that night.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Serves

1. To serve others, a cause, poops. Because Jesus came to serve, not to be served.

2. A serving of food, revenge, or knuckle sandwich. Tasty. Too large in America. You know what exchange students say when they come to America? "I love ze food. Not because eet eez better, but zair eez MORE!"

3. To serve the ball in the beginning of a point. Tennis, volleyball, ping pong, sepak tawraw... they all look nice. Much nicer than the badminton serves, but that's too bad because I don't do the balls without feathers. Anyway:
 
a. the Ice Cream Scoop: lobbing the bird in the motion similar to the spooning desserts.
 
b. the Windmill: a single, 270 degree rotation of the shoulder that flings the bird in a ridiculous but effective fashion.
 
c. the Stupid Windmill: a single, 270 degree rotation of the shoulder which stops just short of the falling bird, to plop the bird at the opposing service line. Often used to fake out and humiliate inattentive opponents or if server changes his mind. Changing your mind is a stupid thing to do in the middle of a stroke.
 
d. the Flapper: traditional long serve with requires only a correct grip, proper stance, carpal strength, steady posture, mental focus, controlled power, and accurate timing. NBD.
 
e. the Butt: traditional short serve that requires only a correct grip, proper stance, controlled carpals, steady forearms, mental focus, and accurate timing. NBD.
 
f. the Boot: flat serve that pushes to back court and doesn't cross the midline until last second. A true butt.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Drops

You know how I like my drops? By the bundle. Mostly because I usually get the point that way.
Ahem. Anyway.

1. Liquid droplets. Bonded by hydrogen, covalence, ions, dipoles... whatever. These drops are rather troublesome to try and get on the tongue; it can require sometimes more than a radian rotation of the bottle...

2. The crests that looks like a smileys. The parabolas with positive coefficients on x^2 in standard form. I don't really like these drops unless its just frequency times wavelength. C? <- =D

3. I am pun master. See the end of 2.

4. I digress. FOUR. Long falls. Such as from buildings, refrigerators, horses, and donkeys. These drops hurt and put insurance to good use.

5. Badminton finesse. Pretty, rolling birdies. I'm bad at those cross court ones, since I don't move my forearm right or something. Emphasis on finesse, because if it doesn't roll, it blows. In the face. Or boobs. DROP OR LIFT, THIS IS A GIFT. ...OR YOU CAN PUSH, OR YOU'LL BE SMUSHED.

I'm also a rhyme master.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h01NGQRW_IY