Before I see everyone, most for the first time this summer, let us have a moment of silence for dead friendship. Even though I haven't a single excuse for not even attempting to reach out, and even though I feel a prick of resentment between snaps. This summer didn't change the validity and depth of the relationships of so, SO many years of friendship, but isn't it funny that its so much easier to connect to people a thousand miles away than it is with the thirty people I invited to my graduation party.
For people that I used to see every day, not a single sentence was exchanged in the past two months, yet here I am, drowning in the warm satisfaction getting someone 800 views on a comic at 4:35 am. And for all 60 some missed lunches and every gathering I would decline, I really would rather sit with a cat and a boy I haven't talked to in four years. Because the exchange of our lives in the present is nothing like sharing a dark cynicism. Because every time I want to participate in Naperville, in church, in school, among friends, I also understand that we weren't made for each other, and because every time I think about walking from Helen Newman to North Campus, nothing in this befouled place matters.
Because. When I was on the carpet staring at the ceiling with 400 mg of caffeine coursing through my slightly abused veins, the people who brought me back weren't... you. When I was shaking and drowning in some stupid bout of fright, we didn't go out for Chipotle. Instead, I bought a giant squid and introduced a girlfriend to my roommate's pet rock Frederick. Maybe its as weird as it sounds. Maybe these boys are still the scum of the earth. But they are most certainly a different type of scum. Like, interesting types.
Because. I sent more bunny butts over WeChat than chat lines over Google+ (not that Google+ was ever a thing). And maybe everyone in this city just had their shit together two years ago, and I'm still trying to figure out what that is. I like to think that its in something like The Red Hankie, and Guillermo Del Toro, and C Major. It might not be. But it's certainly not here.
You'd be surprised, but it's definitely relevant for most people coming back to Naperville after a long trip. 3 months or even 2 months change people and you become an outsider or become even more of an outsider than what you thought you were. But it gives perspective and it gives you energy for change and to find actual people once you get outta here.
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