Little Infinities.

I know I told my story before, but not like this.

I've spent the past 6 years being open to different people and asking for help and asking for prayer, and people prayed and talked and listened, but never, never, ever did anyone ever understand. I've walked myself up the altar in a sea of tongues. Incredible, admirable leaders have brought my issues to God, for me. Do you know how it feels when your mom tells you about her own disappointments? Do you know how it feels when she cries in front of you, wanting something so desperately better for your future? And still, still, she didn't understand.

Even though our condition is common, I never met anyone with the same wild instability, the same exaggerated loathing and compensation. I had no expectations from any reasonable boy or girl to have ever ruined their place in our privileged position. We all drink the blood of the 99%, but some of us are vampires, so willing to suck more than our share and leave a maggot-filled carcass just to leave our mark. We are the dogs who pee on the fire hydrants, desperate to leave our marks.

But someone knows. Someone knew it then and knows it now, and I cannot thank God enough for this instance of infinty.