You know that moment when you're on your knees praying and this time its not because you know forgiveness is going to be painful, but because this time...
This time, you understand how ugly you truly are to God. You feel God's iron grip on your cold heart, and you lean into the guy next to you, thinking no one on earth can provide comfort except him when in fact... even he can't.
Because no one can forgive you except God. And this time, instead of knowing the pain, you're feeling it rip through your heart and you just can't because you refuse to open up your heart.
Yet in the endless selfishness of the hearts that surround you, your dumb old romanticized angel shows you a glimpse of pure and unassuming love, and it takes all of the life out of you... for a moment, every ugly bit is sucked out, and you feel so empty because not a single bit left inside is beautiful at all.
And afterwards, for an entire year, you let yourself vacuum the world's sickness inside of you. You felt hurt and sad and angry and confused, but worst of all, you let all of the evil cling tightly to your unforgiving heart.
Because, in truth, you never learned forgiveness.
And now, you laugh and wince at your embarrassing moments, but mostly, you feel like vomitting, because you treated yourself and your friends like trash. You thought you were ugly before, and now you could hardly be uglier.
So, you, take some courage. Go back to church. Confront your parents. You know where you belong, and you've been gone far, far too long.
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