Insanity.

Reality? I got a B on a calculus test on which everyone got an A. I earned a solid B- on my first organic chemistry test. Inconsolable madness frequents about two to three times a week, usually on 8-person practice days. Even smart people think relationships are worthless, but apparently believe in some higher value of sex buddies. Science isn't as good as writing, and math is okay when I'm not careless, so it is successful 10% of its occupation in my current circumstances. My parents enjoy the frivolous pursuit of 36 on the ACT even though this is one of the least indicative standardized tests created by not even the profit loving College Board. Some girls are even more desperate than me.

The world is still not a wish granting factory. Becoming not fat is a great feeling and leaves more clothing options. Parents are stupid and care too much about money. Vectors are hard. Online shopping is unexpectedly enjoyable, but shipping is more expensive than anticipated. Praying in the morning is a blessing. Badminton is good, smashes are crying, clears are flying. I have adopted camel parents and a real camel.

I have technically completely 6 weeks of Insanity now. It hurts a lot more than running, and I can't pass by the world and appreciate the sunsets anymore, remaining oblivious to the whip of the winds and the trickles of might-as-well-be nonexistent snow. I miss feeling so fast for so long, the idea of being able to go on and on forever.

Despite these losses, the physical pain, for one moment, takes away everything else. For one hour, I don't have water to spare for tears. Insanity is the one workout that has made me sweat like I'm on Elite Team, staining the carpet over and over. Anger packs a good punch.  Switch kicks and hurdles each claim their own victims and demolish the very ideas of stupidity, impulsive, despereaux, desire. Never have I felt so exhausted and physically helpless as after a full circuit of power jumps, in and outs, and suicide squats. Never have I felt so relieved to, as Shawn T so enthusiastically terms it, escape reality and enter insanity.

I feel it. The strength focused in a single kick, then another, and then another, is empowering. When I return to practice every week, I can feel the energy surging through our first ten laps. Another two hours of freedom. Another two hours away from feeling as if everything is totally not okay.