Morality

Broken, finally, by my mom, actually, while discussing, of all things, not sex, but abortion.
I mean we talked about sex too but thinking of how much life was destroyed in even my own family sent shock through my stomach. I didn't think I would cry for someone I never knew if I barely shed a tear for my grandparents, yet, I guess, in this weekend of crazy, quite the trauma has been buildling pressure.

This fanatical week has turned my mind in circles, or ellipses, and if you find the area under the curve, just use 3i/n for the input of a function of a summation, assuming i = 0 and n is just n. But seriously, I'm forced to question my ready acceptance and my flickering priorities, to question my deepest motives, to analyze my nonsensical responses to worry and affection. How interesting, to live in the hypothetical, then to realize that it isn't hypothetical at all, but completely and nightmarishly real. Maybe only time will reveal whether two really work better when they are one.

There are so many expectations tagged onto a status and the shallowness of the title. Living under a formality takes away the best part, the real deets, the friendship. We will glorify God and be pure in all eyes, even though from an impersonal perspective, its all very strange, mostly because we (I) sweat too much. I feel as if all but the subjects of scrutiny see the relationship as, in the best sense, cute, as if two very confused people are experimenting, perhaps precariously, despite the logical fallacies of every aspect of it. I sense a general idea that there is a wavering awkwardness and a reserved fear of one another, when at least today, I have to say, it was a sadness, a diminishing anger, a careful peace, and five hours of sleep. In some ways, I wish I could make people understand, but most of the time, I can only pray and be grateful for yet another unexpected, explosive blessing.